The Amount of dedicated "days" this country has is beyond ridiculous. "Boss's Day"? Really? Now why in the holy fuck would I want to celebrate my boss? Isn't kissing his ass daily, doing his bidding, and making him lots of money enough? Or do I need to shower him with gifts and praise like he's some sort of fucking hero? Give me a break. And what about "Grandparents Day"? Thanks for reminding me that they're deceased, Hallmark. Now fall down a well, fuckers...

But tomorrow is the exception to my hatred, friends. Tomorrow is "Pirates Day". That's right, Pirates Day. Pirates are fucking awesome. They pillage, they steal, they drink rum from barrels and have wood teeth. They do what they want, when they want. Like Bill Gates, only less nerdy. Oh, you say you like ninjas better? Well go back to 1997 you fucking geek. Pirates are the new ninjas. So, if any of you have any photos of you dressed as a pirate, posing with a pirate, or, I don't know, commandeering a yacht and kidnapping a wealthy couple, send them this way. Otherwise, enjoy your day, mateys!